one might say we're banned from that church
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
