I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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