i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
