i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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