I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
