Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
