So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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