I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
