i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
