i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
