Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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