standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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