U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
