Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
