her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
