life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
