so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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