So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
