OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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