so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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