this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
