I cannot find my penis.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
