Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
