This dress was meant to end up on your floor
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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