Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
