was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
