help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
