Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
