I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
