omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
