i think my tv is drunk
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
