masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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