i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
