they need to just BURY HIM!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
