I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
