Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
