I just saw a hot homeless man
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
