Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
