My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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