Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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