I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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