This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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