Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
