Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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