life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
