She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
