I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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