Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
