Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
