Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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