guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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