that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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