so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
