she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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