got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
