If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
