how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
