WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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