She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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