So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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