It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize