I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
