It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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