You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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