but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
