if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
