he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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