So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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