Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
