remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
