Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
