he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize