soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
