i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
And then he peed in my hair
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