i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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