I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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