they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
