Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
