They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
