I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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