I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
