dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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