Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize