Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
