I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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