bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
