hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I will be naked everywhere
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize