I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
