Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
