Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
