im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
