I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
