i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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