you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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