No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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