remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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