If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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