There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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