4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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