Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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