And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
