That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
