what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
third nipple confirmed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
